7 Practices to Disappear and Quietly Build the Life You Crave

Let your actions speak louder than words

Attention is either inward or outward facing, but it can’t do both at the same time. Which means that if you are focusing outward, social media, talking, worrying about social approval, etc, you’re restricting one of the most powerful resources for your growth.

Andrew Huberman says, “Real breakthroughs come in silence, when you’re doing the work no one sees. Not when you’re explaining yourself or scrolling. Because silence is when we turn inward.”

In this video, he goes on to explain that the people who work in silence are the ones who exceed everyone’s expectations. They don’t waste any attention on trying to impress others or talking about their future goals to gain approval.

I’m no expert at working in silence, but it’s something I find deeply satisfying. Here are some resources to help you quietly build the life you want. Because, like Huberman said, by the time people ask why you’re quiet, you’re actions will speak loud enough.

Trade intensity for consistency

One of the reasons we gravitate to social media is intensity. We value intensity because it’s quantifiable. We see results fast. We see the change. Intensity is a professional basketball player dominating his opponents in a game. That’s what we want and what we want others to see.

But how do we get there?

Consistency.

Consistency is the flip side of intensity. It’s a ratio, something like 1/50, depending on the craft. For every 1 hour of flawless intensity, there are at least 50 hours of consistency.

It costs me 1 hour of work for every 1 minute of video you see on my YouTube channel. That’s why when people start talking about money and how quickly they got it, I tend to get skeptical.

Because consistency always wins.

I have some wonderful, well-meaning friends who I would love to see latch on to this. I see it over and over. Every time I see them, they bubble with excitement for this new thing they found, and can’t believe how productive they are all of a sudden. They are certain that this is the “thing” they’ve been meant to do.

I won’t steal their joy. I usually get excited with them. But I can’t help but remember all the other “passion projects” that are under grave stones now, that they were just as excited about.

About the time the hype wears off, they jump to the next thing. Then they look at me and ask how I knew I found my passion and stuck with it for so long. The truth is, you don’t find your passion, you make it. I’ve been consistent for 7 years, posting videos, recording podcasts, and writing newsletters. There were a lot of times I didn’t feel excited about it. Lots of times I was discouraged. But I knew consistency would win.

The good part is that if my friends latch onto this, almost all the ideas they get excited about would actually work. They have great ideas and there’s a lot of potential, but only if they buckle down on it.

You build consistency by learning to sit with discomfort. Because in order to be consistent, you have to do things that are hard, without approval, and repeatedly. There are moments of intensity, obviously, but the foundation of consistency is, quite frankly, being uncomfortable.

It’s uncomfortable getting harsh feedback

It’s uncomfortable when a video flops

It’s uncomfortable to stick to a diet

47% of podcasts don’t make it past episode 3.

92.47% of podcasts don’t make it past episode 50.

What does that tell us? People are wired for quick wins, and when they don’t get them, they assume it wasn’t meant to be and jump to the next thing.

Translation, they aren’t ok sitting with the feeling of trying and not being instantly successful.

I know I’m simplifying things here, but seriously, this is the underlying problem that stops people from getting over the first hump.

So, what do you do with discomfort?

First, realize it’s feedback and nothing more. It’s an opportunity to get better, and you’d better get used to it because there’s plenty to go around. Especially if you want to quietly build an awesome life. The people broadcasting their amazing life usually can’t publish it and live it too.

Contrast the shiny Instagram accounts with people who came out of nowhere and blew everyone away. Discomfort was their best friend, and they didn’t cope with disapproval by waving around a fancy watch or driving a nice car.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever done is learn to skydive. That made me face fears I didn’t even know I had. But the best piece of advice I learned about dealing with that discomfort was from my brother, who did it before me. He said, “When you feel that fear grip your body, tell yourself, ‘Good. I’m supposed to feel this, then localize it. Find where it is in your body and focus on it.”

I’ve used that in many, many areas of my life, and it has served me well.

Discomfort? Good. Feel it. Act in spite of it. Because the feelings often don’t get less, we get stronger. That’s what we want.

Build habits that no one sees

One of the most powerful insights came from a remarkably successful woman named Madz, who writes online. She has built a very, very successful business from an insanely small number of people. We are talking 10k plus per month from an email list of less than 2,000 people.

She tells a story of some advice her friend gave her, and everything changed. She and her friend were talking about all these people online telling people how to get rich. They all pretty much had the same strategy.

Then her friend told her that, contrary to popular belief, the people talking about how to get rich usually weren’t all that rich themselves. In fact, they made more money by telling people how to get rich than they made from their actual strategies.

The question wasn’t, “What are the rich people doing?” The question was, “What are the ultra-rich people doing who aren’t publicly talking about their strategies?”

That’s when it clicked.

To find the ticket to success, she had to look at what the invisible rich were doing, because that’s where the money really was. It turns out, their strategies were a bit harder to find, but totally worth it.