Asking the right questions can change everything. Forever.

Jun 15, 2023

✅ My version: Show me your questions, and I’ll show you your past, present, and future.

Recently I was creating a notion template for my youtube subscribers and came across a book by Tim Ferriss, Tribe of Mentors. As I looked over the many notes I took about this book, I had to ask myself, “What did this book teach me that could change my life?” Surprisingly, it wasn’t Tony Robbins' morning routine or Casey Neistat’s answers about success.

It came from one of the first chapters written by Tim himself. He said asking good questions is one of the most important things we can do. He said he dedicates a specific amount of time each day to crafting better questions. Not only that but asking good questions in the correct order.

Share Smatterings of Intrigue

Why would Tim spend so much time doing this, and why did this change my life?

🧩 The power of questions

Each conscious (and some unconscious) thought we have is the answer to a question we asked ourselves. Our brain is so fast at this we hardly even notice it. Even much of our behavior is the result of answering questions. When we pull out the Doritos and open Netflix, we miss the fact that we are simply responding to a question, like “What’s the fastest and easiest way to feel better and forget the argument at work?”

But here’s the catch. Over time, we begin skipping the question phase and go straight to the behavior, belief, or thought process. Sometimes we answer a question a certain way a long time ago, and simply never challenged the disempowering question. Consequently, the answer stays the same as well.

I still remember someone telling a funny story about me as a child on several occasions. Looking back I realize I was asking the question: “Why is he telling that embarrassing story about me and making me feel bad?” Answer? “Because you deserve it.” The sad part is this belief controlled me for years because I never challenged the answer with a better question.

In later years I started asking better questions like: “Did he know it was embarrassing for me?” “Did I speak up for myself?” “Why does this person telling a story about me determine who I am?” “Objectively, who is actually responsible here? Someone who should have been aware and known better, or a kid so young he could hardly tie his shoes?” “How can I make sure I never do this to anyone else?”

This applies not only to removing negative beliefs but also to outstanding innovations. Tim Ferriss gained incredible success simply by asking the question “What if I did this backward from everyone else?” “If I had unlimited money, how would I solve this?” “If I could only work 4 hours a week to make a living, what would I do?” Or my personal favorite, “What would this look like if it was easy?”

By learning to ask good questions, we take manual control of the steering wheel of our brain. Because the fact of the matter is, if you ask lousy questions, you’ll get lousy answers. The brain answers what you ask it.

Version 1 (bad question)

Me: Why am I STILL overweight??

Brain: Because you're a pig! You're lazy. You probably have some chronic illness. Maybe if you were actually disciplined you'd get somewhere… (sound familiar?)

Version 2 (better question)

Me: How can I lose weight and enjoy the process?

Brain: Go walking with a friend twice a week and spill tea, start an exercise program with friends, only allow yourself to listen to your favorite book/podcast/music while you're working out, etc, etc.

You get the point.

📌 Exercise

Take a very common thing you do every day and practice asking better questions. See it from as many angles as possible. Sometimes it helps to assume you know nothing about it or act like you’re not a grown-up.
Maybe it’s your drive to work. “How can I become a better person in these 20 minutes?”
Maybe it’s with your kids. “What’s my favorite childhood memory? What made it my favorite? How can I create something like that for my kids?”
Maybe it’s with a project. “If I could only spend 30 minutes a day learning how to do graphic design, how would I do it?”
Or my personal favorite creativity study from NASA. “What would you call this jar full of Skittles?” “A poorly isolated space helmet.”