I Learned This Truth the Hard Way. Now it Fuels Me.

I live by this. You should too.

Recently I met an incredible man. He was 55 and in a bridal party with me and my friend. The part that threw me was my friend who was getting married was 21. How often do you see a 21-year-old asking a 55-year-old to be in his bridal party? Not that often. As I got to know Marcus better, I realized why he was such good friends with someone half his age.

He asked questions.

He wasn’t threatened by new ideas.

He wanted to hear the opinions of people half his age.

It was incredibly refreshing. Most people over 45 think that they have life mostly figured out. At least more figured out than someone half their age. So they sit back and complain about the next generation instead of getting in the trenches with them. I want to be like Marcus someday. Not an armchair activist.

Marcus is a good example of how to be a lifelong learner. Let’s look at the opposite. It’s a sad story.

It was Christmas. We were supposed to be enjoying our time. Instead, my uncle was taking this opportunity to tell his 3 daughters all the ways they weren’t living how he thought they should. My cousins and I had learned a while ago it’s best not to argue back or it would just make it worse. After about an hour he ran out of steam and the evening ended. I looked at my cousin (his daughter) and said, “You know what shows that he thinks he’s right and there’s not a single thing he could learn from us? He didn’t ask a single question. He didn’t even try to understand us.”

Ouch.

Wondering why he didn’t “get through” to us?

You know someone who needs to read that 👆

A personal life truth was born out of that evening. If I’m not asking questions it either means

I don’t think I have anything to learn from this person,

or

I know I don’t know everything but I don’t care.

or

I’m afraid of changing how I think, so I don’t do anything that threatens me.

Here’s the difference. If you ask anyone if they know everything, they will say “Of course not.” But here’s how you actually know. If they ask questions. I can tell you all day long that I don’t know everything, but unless I’m asking questions, I fall into one of the three categories below.

I don’t think I have anything to learn from this person

I don’t care.

I’m afraid.

No one likes a know-it-all. But you and I are probably more know-it-all-ish than we realize. The way you know is by analyzing whether or not you ask questions.

Questions are vulnerable.

Powerful.

Life changing.

They mean you want to learn.

They mean you’re humble enough to admit you don’t know everything.

I try to live my life this way. You should too. Unless you’re too stuck up and proud to admit you still need to learn. Or maybe you are too proud to learn from anyone who isn’t a professional. It’s easier to admit you don’t know everything to a neuroscientist than a random guy calling you out on some newsletter. I get it.

But ego is a dangerous thing. It will destroy you and leave you wondering why.

Ego is the anesthesia that numbs the pain of stupidity.

There’s someone else who needs to read that 👆

What kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be like Marcus? A lifelong learner who is respected by those around him? Someone whose opinions people want to hear? Whose fun to be around? Who's surrounded by good thinkers?

Or do you want to be like my uncle (at that time)? Trying to pound a screw in with a hammer. Wondering why no one listens to him. Wondering why he’s so lonely. Wondering why his children are taking dramatically different paths than he did.

People think we are the loneliest generation because of social media. False. We are the loneliest generation because we stopped asking questions. We stopped learning. We stopped being willing to admit we were wrong.

Try it sometime.

Admit you’re wrong.

Watch what happens.