We are Wrong About Social Media

Have you ever thought for a second that maybe everyone is wrong about social media?

As in, maybe we aren’t underdeveloped cave men who are hooked on dopamine.

I don’t like that narrative, and it certainly isn’t helpful.

The real problem comes from somewhere deeper, a dissatisfaction and misalignment with perception and reality.

Let’s unpack this a bit.

Underlying truth #1

Our world has sped up substantially.

This shouldn’t be too controversial.

Walk through a city, open your phone, or go to work, and you quickly realize that we are moving at a breakneck speed.

Underlying truth #2

For all that speed, we produce very little tangible results.

The reason for this is that our work has become so multi-layered that we often are a cog in the machine. We work, but the production is further down the line, meaning we often don’t see it.

We accomplish tasks instead of creating tangible results.

We are disconnected, and achievement has become largely intellectual.

Case and point, I feel more satisfaction from building a bookshelf than making a YouTube video. Maybe I’m just weird.

Underlying truth #3

Social media meets a need.

There is something we need when we turn to social media.

Every time.

You’re behavior is not the result of arbitrary connections in your brain. There’s a need that’s being met.

We love social media because…

Let’s connect the puzzle pieces. Most of us feel as though we are spinning our wheels, moving fast, but nowhere in particular. To make matters worse, a lot of jobs don’t really give us the satisfaction of accomplishment.

This usually results in us finishing the day needing a way to unwind and slow down. Perhaps because our speed throughout the day didn’t culminate into a direct form of accomplishment.

By far, the most reliable way to do that is with social media.

It meets a need.

Not very well, maybe a 3-10, but it meets it nonetheless.

The other reason we turn to social media is to meet our need to see progress and accomplishment.

Maybe you gravitate towards social media so you can at least finish your day by watching someone else accomplish something tangible. Why? Because we need to feel accomplished, otherwise, what is the point of doing what we do?

Social media can substitute that feeling to an extent, just like movies or video games can as well.

Meet your needs more appropriately

We are starving ourselves for what we need, which is to feel accomplished and also manage our pace a bit better. It’s no wonder we turn to social media.

Or perhaps for you it’s something different.

Poor relationships? Social media has plenty of “good” ones.

Unhappy with your skills? Social media has lots of experts.

Craving novelty? Social media has plenty of adventure.

Needs are very nuanced and fluctuate for different people.

The point is, don’t live in oblivion. Figure out what you need and find a healthy way to meet it.

I was recently talking to someone who said they use social media to unwind at the end of the day, because they are so worn out physically, but mentally wound up. It’s interesting because the first reaction is usually something like “I should really stop my social media habit.” But that’s only half the equation.

You can’t just stop. It’s meeting a need.

You have to replace it. Because the quality of life is not determined only by what you don’t do, but also by what you do.

I’ve learned that I often need a few different tactics to help me unwind, and then I cycle through them based on how I feel. Sometimes, it is watching a movie, or something similar, but that’s not the default. One size does not fit all.

If you’re curious, here’s a post where I talk about my methods for finding balance between speed and rest. It’s nothing fancy, but maybe it can help.